1. As long as you're a Menno, either follow the rules, or look like you're following the rules when those who are older and/or more conservative are around.  Yes, you might be openly planning on leaving the MC. And yes, some of the rules are impractical, outdated, obsolete, and a major pain in the rear.  Believe me, I've been there.

But rules or no rules, one of your end goals in leaving should be this: you want to leave in such a way that you can come back to visit in the future without feeling the slightest bit uncomfortable...It may not be completely reachable, but it's what you should be aiming for.  If you have a reputation amongst the conservatives as rebel, that goes a long way in the wrong direction.

So maybe you wear shorts when you're playing basketball.  Maybe you go to the movie theater occasionally instead of waiting 3 months for the DVD to come out.  Maybe you don't follow every rule to the letter.  And that's ok.  And while it's one thing to joke about it with your friends who feel the same way you do, it's another thing to offend your elders.  Although they *might* be old, stubborn, and stuck in their ways, usually they have watched over you as you've grown up and really do love you.  And that's not something you want to throw away.

All this to say...if you're going to leave, make sure you don't burn your bridges when you go.

2. Try to have some idea of what you want in a church before you leave.  It's easy to say what you don't want...you're probably thinking you don't want rules like the ones you grew up with, which is understandable.  But what do you want?  Just because a church isn't Mennonite doesn't mean it can't still annoy the crap out of you.  Just because a church appears really cool after going there once doesn't mean it's right for you.

I church-shopped for quite awhile.  You probably will too.  It's like dating.  You don't commit to the first one on the first date...you look around, you evaluate, you decided what you can live with and what you can't.  You always keep your eyes open.  If someone recommends a church, you check it out.  And once you find a church you think you can live with, you start going there steady, every Sunday.

And go to church regularly, even if it isn't to the same church every time.  If you're like me, you need the social and spiritual interaction that comes with.  And no you won't always feel like going.  And yes you should go anyway. I've been there, believe me.

And if you want to know what I think you should look for in a church, see this post from a few months ago.

3. If you believe strongly that women should wear a covering, then you should probably stay Mennonite, no matter how you feel about any of the other rules.  The covering is just not something you find anywhere else, and you won't find a spouse who believes the same way you do if you look outside the MC. (But if you already have a spouse and you both want to leave and you both believe in the covering, then I guess you could maybe disregard this.)

There are other teachings unique to the Mennonite church, but this is the only one I can think that might be a dealbreaker. Believing strongly in something like nonresistance just doesn't have the same effect. (FWIW, I'm still a pretty big believer in nonresistance)

4. It's okay to be open about how you're planning to leave, but trust me, your life will a be a lot easier if certain people don't find out until after the fact. Been there, seen that. So be a little bit careful who you tell.

Also, being open that you're leaving is okay, but being open about leaving doesn't mean that you have to have an attitude. Like I said earlier, you don't want to burn your bridges, and a showing a nasty attitude toward the MC is a good way to do just that.

5. After you've left and found a church you like, be careful how you talk about it when your old Mennonite friends ask...basically, say whatever you want about your church, just don't compare it spiritually with the MC unless they specifically ask. It doesn't leave a very good impression. Yes, you want to say why you like your church. What you don't want to do is to turn it into a spiritual sales pitch.

6. I would love to write a piece on introducing your girl/boy friend to your Mennonite friends and family and getting her acquainted with your background...but unfortunately, I have no experience here as of yet. Sorry.

That's everything I can think of...I guess that brings this series to a close. Thoughts? Comments? Questions?

P.S. Heads up to starrsoft and anyone else who might have been wondering: I don't feel like doing more than 1 response, so I'm just going to wait a few days, then write one response in this post, in regard to the questions and comments in this post, Part 3a, and the ones in Part 2 I haven't covered yet.

So...this is the part where I talk about the conclusions I came too regarding my Mennonite heritage...Note that these are simply the conclusions I came to, I don't pretend to know all the answers to these things, and you can feel free to disagree at any time.

One of the central conclusions that I came to was that we, in the New Testament era, are bound by principles, not rules. Principles of loving God with all your heart, loving others the same as you love yourself, honesty, chastity, and so on.

What does that mean in practical terms? Simply this: if the Bible says something specific that has no practical reason or application today, we are not bound by that. However, that “something specific” almost always has a governing principle behind it, and that governing principle will be just as binding on us as it was to the people it was written to. It's just that the practical application will look somewhat different with in today's world than it did to the people 2000 years ago.

Example: The feet-washing ceremony. It was something that was done to imply submission, humility, showing servanthood to your brothers and sisters in Christ. And in that context, in ancient Jewish culture, it did. In our culture, in our time, it doesn't. Today, it's a symbol, and not much more...and I don't think that feetwashing, is binding on us today. If you want to do it, great. Symbols are cool, and there's nothing wrong with symbols. But it's not a requirement to being a Christian.

But the principles behind feetwashing of humbling ourselves, showing servanthood to each other, and submitting to each other? Those are completely binding on us today, and are totally part of what it means to be a follower of Christ.

And ultimately, I don't think God really cares if we're following the specific details of the Bible...He cares much more about whether or not we're following the principles behind them.

I eventually came to realize that there are two ditches people fall into, legalism and liberalism.

Legalism takes the principles of Scripture and makes checklists from them. You should or should not do this or that because that's how you should apply this verse or that one in today's world. Don't listen to rock music. Don't drink alcohol. Don't watch TV. Wear clothes that are different from the world. And so on. And while not doing those may or may not strip you of your Christianity, you won't completely measure up as a Christian if you don't do them.

Liberalism takes the principles of Scripture and ignores them. If you want to follow the Bible that's fine, but you're kind of a fool if you do. Come on man, live it up a little. Party hearty, get completely plastered, take a few chicks home for one night, have fun with life and do whatever feels right to you.

When all is said and done, I don't think that either one is worse than the other when dealing with people's souls. From what I've seen, liberalism poisons a person's heart and legalism suffocates it. I fail to see which is worse.

I'm just going to come out and say it...if you are a Mennonite, please don't take this personally.

For me, being in the Mennonite church meant that I was living under legalism.

Which leads me to my next point...one man's legalism is another man's normal way of life.  For some people, not getting tattoos and not having a TV and living by the other rules is simply what they would naturally do.  And if it's what they would naturally do, I can't really argue that they're living under legalism.  Some people thrive in the Mennonite church. If that's you, then more power to you. Some people feel like they're being suffocated.  It shouldn't come as any surprise that...I felt like I was suffocating spiritually.

Being a conservative Mennonite works for some people, but not for me...that's pretty much the long and short of it right there.

Switching gears here, I also came to some more specific conclusions regarding “the rules,” and here they are:

One is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being like the world, if what the world is doing does not violate Scriptural principles.  And so, using “the world” to say that we should or should not do something is illogical, or else we should all be Amish.

To be honest, I often felt that some were using “the world” to hang on to traditions and rules that had no other Scriptural backing.   But I'll talk a little more about that in the final post. ;)

The other conclusion was that rules of the Old Testament with no backing in the New are not binding today. The ones that were important were given as principles, and backed up by Christ (or in a few cases, the apostle Paul) in some way.   The others, they left alone.  For example, what it says in Leviticus about tattoos?  Not binding on us. Saying women shouldn't wear pants because of the Leviticus verse that says not to wear the clothes of the opposite sex? Again, that's not binding either.  If it's in the Old Testament Law and nowhere else, I don't worry about it.

And there you have it. Pretty much every rule falls under those two, or under what I wrote about being bound by principles and not rules.

All that being said, there are several issues I want cover in a little greater detail...

People ask me about the covering more than anything else, and it falls under what I said about principles versus applications.   As I see it, the application for the Corinthians was the covering, while the principle of the passage has to do with husbands showing leadership and wives showing submission.  Paul mentions those same principles in several other epistles as well, but never mentions the covering elsewhere.

Davidrmiller asked about my position regarding divorce, so I'll try do that too.  First of all, I don't believe it's quite as cut-and-dried as the Mennonite position makes it out to be...it's kind of like my old issue with the covering.   I know people who are in their second marriage and are Christians.  How that actually works, I don't know, and you can draw your own conclusions from it. All I know is that these people are Christians and their lives reflect it. I also know that they have gone through a divorce at some point, often before they were saved, and have since remarried.

I guess my position on divorce is this: if you're married, you're married.  For you to leave your spouse would be a sin against him/her and a sin against God.  But if your spouse leaves you literally or figuratively (runs off with someone else, gets really abusive, etc.) and divorces you, then remarriage later may be an option.  I don't know.  Jesus did say divorce was wrong...but left a caveat in there regarding cases of sexual immorality.

Questions? Comments?  Any issue you feel I didn't cover? Complaints?  Did you make it all the way to here?  I'll probably do like I did last time, and leave a comment clarifying or answering anything people bring up.

Is the grass really greener on the other side? Do people who leave face a greater risk of going off the deep end? Find out, when we come back. Coming up...candid advice to dissatisfied young Mennonites, and to slightly frustrated (from dealing with said YMs) older people.