Monday, 01 September 2008

• A bit of a followup from the list post...First of all, thanks for the feedback! I loved getting your opinions on this. I thought several things could use a little clarification though.

  Several people thought that #5 and #6 didn't go together very well. To spare you the trouble of going back and checking, I want a woman who is preferably a college student, and wants to be a stay-at-home mom when the kids come.

  Here's the thing: Actually, several things. First, she doesn't have to be a college student. I want someone who's reasonably smart, can think for herself, and is a decent problem-solver, and there are girls who qualify who aren't in college.  Being a college student is more one of those icing-on-the-cake things.
  

  Second, I know for a fact that a decent percentage of college girls want to be a SAHM once they have kids. And since I know they exist, it pretty much goes without saying that I want one. Make sense? Brilliantvapor called it well, basically if she doesn't want to be SAHM then she doesn't have to marry me. Nothing personal, it's just something that's important to me. Bethkrabill noted how her mom worked part time when her kids were young, and I have no problem with that sort of setup, none zilch nada. I just don't want a career woman for a wife, and I don't want to be sticking my kids in day care centers.

  About the long distance relationship thing...LDRs work for some people. But from what I've seen, LDRs don't work unless one of them ends up moving for awhile so that they can actually be together. Which is fine, but I'm years away from being able to drop everything and move across the country.  And starting a relationship, then telling her that it won't work unless she's willing to move out here doesn't seem right.
  

  Another this is that with a normal relationship, you can ease into it. Go on a few dates, get to know each other, take it slow. If you don't know each other real well to begin with, no biggie. Just take it slow.  With a LDR, you're into it all or nothing, right from the beginning.  No easing into it.  No taking it slow.  And frankly, I'm not very comfortable with that, especially if I don't know the girl really well to begin with.  Hence, no LDRs* for me.

  About the negotiableness of the list...the “icings on the cake” aren't at all necessary, they're just bonuses in case a girl happens to have them. The others...some are completely non-negotiable. She needs to be a Christian, be saving herself for marriage, and live reasonably close to me. If she doesn't qualify, she doesn't qualify.
  

  As for the others, I'm looking for a girl who either qualifies, or is working on qualifying in those areas. If she has a huge credit card debt, but has turned her spending habits around and is working her way out of it, cool. Maybe she went from boyfriend to boyfriend to boyfriend in her late teens, but has since matured, calmed down, and is past that. Great. I can live with that. If a girl doesn't fit my list perfectly because of some past mistakes that she is now taking care of, I'm not one to be picky. The key is that if she does have some of those mistakes, she's recognized it and is taking care of them. I expect the same of myself.

  
  *The actual distance is somewhat negotiable...in thinking about it, I might be willing to date a girl as far away as Seattle (~250 miles) if the opportunity arose.

  Now the list, Part 2: What I look for in myself, in no particular order.

  1. Able to provide for a family financially. If I want a wife who's a SAHM, I better be prepared to provide the finances myself. To that end, I am pursuing a degree in mechanical engineering, and graduating in about a year and a half.
  

  2. Practice good hygiene and grooming. Girls like this in a guy, from what I've heard. Although, I do tend to slack off just a bit in the summer when I'm working in grass seed warehouses...I haven't shaved in about 3 weeks.  But you get the idea. 
  

  3. Although I'm hopeless when it comes to fashion, I do my best.  I've heard girls like this, too. If all else fails, I ask my sisters for advice.

  4. Stay in shape. If I want her to, I better do so myself. And if I want kids (which I do), it's probably not a bad idea to be able to run around with them a little bit.

  5. Have a good relationship with Christ. I don't know how to quantify this in a few sentences, but I think you get the idea.

  6. Be plugged into a church. Being plugged into a church gives, among other things, accountability, social interaction, and a good place to meet Christian girls, which are all things I need at this point in my life.

  7. I dunno...Female readers, I need your help here! What are some general qualifications I as a guy should fulfill? If you have a list of what you're looking for in a guy, what are some of the things on it?

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