I have a question for all you readers out there in xanga-land.
People sometimes ask me why I don't pursue this girl or that one, sometimes I have a good reason. She lives to far away, she creeps me out, or she's not a Christian.
But sometimes, I don't have a "good" reason. Sometimes, it's nothing more than "
I'm just not attracted to her"
It's not that she's ugly. It's not that she's a jerk. She might be a nice, beautiful girl. But somehow, I'm just not feeling it.
Generally speaking, it seems that married people think "I'm just not attracted to her" is pretty stupid. "What do you mean, you're not attracted to her?!? She's an awesome girl!"
And single guys tend to think it's a pretty decent reason (I guess I can't speak for single girls, and my source on things like this is in South Carolina).
And so, my question. If you think "I'm just not attracted to her" is just not a good reason, why? And if you think that way, how do you go about changing whether or not you're attracted to someone? Thoughts?
Comments (11)
As a 30-something married mother of four, I believe that just not being attracted to someone IS a good reason! A GREAT reason!
Do you really want to put the effort into a dating relationship that you are "forcing" yourself to try to want?
I can't remember last week but I do remember 20 years ago feeling just like that.
The Farmer and God changed all that! I didn't have to.
at least you are thinking about it. and i commend you for your reading material. attraction is necessary, though God can really change what attracts you. and sometimes attraction grows and develops as you get to know someone. a lot of people end up with someone they wouldn't have originally "picked", but their minds change:) the main thing is to be close to God and if he wants to change your mind, let him. but don't worry about "having" to change your mind. and become attracted to what God finds attractive,i.e. qualities, in women. just my 2 cents.
Some people just like to over analyze it and not take your word for it. It is none of their business of why you feel you aren't attracted to her.
If you just aren't attracted to her, you just aren't attracted to her. That's it. What are you going to do about it? Pretend? Huh? Not a good idea.
at one point in time i might have disagreed with you on this, but that was before brandon talked sense into my head--i guess
i doubt you could even make it work if you weren't attracted to her, and it's definitely not fair to the girl to string her along if you don't think you want to get into it.
although it makes me feel less sorry for you if there are said girls around and you say "i'm just not attracted to her"
i can't give you any advice, but the articles you linked to are great. much good info. good luck
When my husband Paul and I first met, I didn't consider him dating material, but he was a great friend. He was one of the people I always stayed in touch with. He and I earned our degrees, got jobs and went on with our lives until I decided that I needed a new job and moving the 1000 miles back to my parents put me about an hour away from Paul. Eight months later (after knowing each other for 11 years) we got married.
As for your questions -"I'm just not attracted to her" is as good a reason as any. I don't think trying to change whether you're attracted to someone is a good idea. Develop lots of friendships and follow God closely.
Believe me, Matt, when you learn to know the right girl, the attraction will be there. Not being attracted to a girl is ALL the reason you need to not ask her for a date.